March 31, 2008
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i’m kind of a wordy person. i use too many words. but i like the words that i use. and i choose them carefully, especially when having to put them in writing. but sometimes, i use words when they aren’t really necessary. they might not even be asked for, or given at the right time. i frequently like to just get whatever is on my mind off of my chest, whether you ask for it or not.
but, when a month ago or so i received an email from someone in my past… i had such a strange reaction when i realized that she had sent me a note that i didn’t want or need. it was basically an explanation for why some things had happened, plus an apology of some sort. as i thought about why she sent it and where she might have been coming from, i really felt like the message was really more something she sent to help herself rather than help me in any way. she really needed to get something off of her chest so as to ease her guilt or something like that. i didn’t need it. i didn’t want it. but she sent it never the less. and i was forced to read it and deal with it. i thought it was strange. i thought it was overkill. but i never imagined that i would do the same or be that way though. i’ve not ever caught myself doing that… until now. or maybe i’ve been completely unaware when doing this in the past. but i guess i did the same thing last night. unrestrained, i sent this long email to a friend because i felt compelled. clarification over a particular situation wasn’t asked for… yet i gave it. it’s funny how we choose to react to situations.so today, a friend says to me when i tell him about my unsolicited and wordy email that sometimes clarification is reserved for when people ask for it rather than when you feel like giving it. he said that’s always the way it is with wordy
people. we talk for ourselves, the conversations we’ve already
plotted in our heads and all but finalized. and he was so right. i’m always having conversations with myself that i’d like to have with others. usually, i’ll have the conversation eventually… but i just need for it to play out in my head first. maybe it doesn’t come out the way i had originally intended. but i had the conversation already because the words mean so much. this perhaps is only interesting to me. but i found it interesting. all those words.
