lately, i've been on a fish kick. it's meaty enough to feel fulfilled, but light enough to feel like you've had a healthy meal. last night, we ventured to hook in georgetown... and it was delicious. the restaurant has a great ambiance - you step inside and feel miles away from the hustle and bustle of M street. if you are able to dine on the first floor, one of the more charming features of the restaurant is their open kitchen- you can see the chefs working their magic from the dining room.  it is a little distracting to watch the wait staff running in and out of the kitchen - but it's also nice to know that because they are essentially on display, there's no goofing around. they mean business.

as for the food, you can start off with crudo, their version of sashimi... we had the snapper, wahoo and mackeral. of the three, the snapper was the most delicious. since it was our first time there, we also went with a few salads- ours were these amazing concoctions of tomato, goat cheese and fresh greens. for my entree dish, i had the bluefish... it was a healthy serving of fish which i was not able to finish garnished with a side of basil walnut pesto. i appreciated that they threw the garnishments and sauces over to the side. the lure of fish at hook is that they don't dress up the fish too much - it is prepared to bring out the essence of the fish itself. $90 bill at the end of the night. a little pricey, but i'd recommend giving it a shot. i'd go back again for sure.

i finally was able to pinpoint it the other night. "it," we'll call it,
because i don't want to call it an issue per se. it's just a precarious
situation i've found myself in, one i never have experienced before.
and i'm not quite sure if it's a good or bad thing, or what to do
differently if anything at all because maybe it's nothing that i need
to do except to be myself. but what's new, what "it" is, is that i'm
not wearing the pants in this situation. as silly as that sounds, it is
something new.

i'm not the dominant one. i'm not the more successful
one. i'm not the more educated one. i'm not necessarily the one calling
all the shots and doing things exactly as i want and on my own terms.
he hasn't yet uttered the words, "why would you be with someone like
me? you have a lot going for you..." which i've heard before. i'd like
to think that i've met a match, an equal... but i can't help but to
fear just slightly that we may not be equals and that there is an
imbalance of sorts just not in my favor. not that's he's not done
anything to make me feel inferior or less... it's just that this is quite different from anything else i've experienced. and i'm just not used to not
being top dog. not that i need or want that necessarily. i think, or rather, i hope. i would like to believe i'm not that hungry or desperate for power.

perhaps this is be what an adult relationship is like.

6.37 miles but only about half of it was spent running. i think i do not like running with others- it messes with my pace. it does force me to run faster though, and sometimes, it's nice
to be pushed. and on the topic of being pushed, it's nice to know that there is a level of care and
concern, so much so that it is important for me to simply articulate when and what
it is that is bothering me. i'm used to complacency towards me clamming up
when i really should be letting it out.
 

i'm going to bed with a bit of a clearer head. here was the route:

now might be the time where i get myself into a bit of trouble. i'm in
unchartered waters. i don't know how i'm supposed to act. i don't know
what is happening. it is what it is, i love saying that and it just is what it is... and i'd like to leave it organic as i have but doing just that has caused me to land
in a situation where all of a sudden the stakes are seemingly a bit
higher than preferred, expected or desired as i have invested quite a bit of time and energy in a single
direction. it still is what it is, i'm still going to go with the flow
but doing so has caused me to let my guard down and be completely open.
and now, now i'm having a bit of a freak-out because i don't know what
the heck i'm doing. i kind of want to just put my guard up and be careful as it feels like things have the potential to spiral
out of control if they haven't yet already. i don't feel like i'm in
control. things are no longer on my terms. feelings are involved, i
have feelings about this all - and that means the possibility of my
feelings getting hurt actually exists. not that i expect for that to happen of
course... i have decided to put trust in the situation and trust in
him... but you never know. there are no sure things.


ugh. this is a shitty way to feel for sure. i need to get running. i
need to clear my head and make sense of this nuttiness i feel.

anyhow, the weekend recap: jazz in the garden, modern, five, taqueria distrito federal, foot reflexology @ tysons, miso cafe in annandale, rajaji in woodley park, cafe saint ex, han sung oak in annandale, and lots of other shenanigans which i cannot recall. my weekends have been interesting to say the least.   

i do love eating at zaytinya quite a bit... but i love it even more now for what may be the tastiest dessert i've had in a while, the Greek Yogurt & Apricots. it was amazing. muscat soaked apricots, vanilla yogurt cream, apricot espuma and pistachios. it was a delightful combination of cream and fruit - a simple concept, but done so exquisitely that i practically was licking clean the dish in which it was served. and to boot, it was presented well. a thin layer of apricots at the bottom, a thick layer of stark white cream in the middle, and then the muscat soaked apricots on top. divine.

another new place for food in libation in DC that i went to recently is proof. it is a wine bar but they've started serving lunch, so we tried it out the other day. the lamb burger and salmon croque-monsieur are both delicious but the nice surprises were in their sides- their chickpea fries and corn soup. both had a really great consistency and kick.

lastly, i'm finding that more and more, i need dessert to cleanse my palate after eating.

now that's a headline. but, really, have you ever been touched by cancer? my bro-in-law is doing the Live Strong bike race in Philly this weekend... a 100 mile ride which is pretty amazing considering he tore his ACL earlier this year. please do a good deed and make your donation here.

i
was talking to my sister the other day, and words can't properly explain
how much i appreciated her sentiments. the gist of the conversation was
that she wouldn't want to see me change. she was essentially trying to protect me. she
wouldn't want a person to affect me so much that i might start acting
different, looking different... and i hope to not change. i am a work
in progress, i have and will evolve with time... but i am pretty
comfortable with who i am and have become. truth be told, her
sentiments echo one of my (bigger) fears when it comes to a
relationship- it's that constant struggle of how not to lose oneself
when partnered up with someone else. you become an us or a we... and then what happens to the me?

it started because he made a comment
about a pair of my shoes- maybe i should get something a bit more
classy, he said. and it wasn't said in a mean, or rude, or demeaning manner. it was more kind of like, "babe. i was looking at your shoes. i don't know if i like them. maybe you should look for something a little more classy." i scoffed. i liked 'em just fine, i told him. and i
defended my choice as a matter of fact. i knew they were kinda trashy
shoes, but that was the lure for me. i can't always be buttoned up,
like your typical DC-ist. i refuse to be less funky or more drab
because that is the norm in this city. i like adding a little splash or
trash to my appearance. end of conversation. i was miffed by his comment, but i got over
it.

but then there was the matter of his shoes. he found some sneakers
online
and then asked me what I thought. i didn't like them one bit... but,
before i sent off an email saying i thought they were ugly, i thought
about it for a moment. he didn't like my shoes, and told me out right
which kind
of got on my nerves. so for me to do the same, wouldn't it just be
hypocritical of me? i wouldn't want him to be bothered by the very same
thing he did
to annoy me. and so i hesitated before telling him that i didn't like
the shoes. and then i also thought about whether i wanted to really
tell him that i didn't like the shoes because what if that would serve
to just further point out our differences? it worried me. we are very
different. but are we too different? and what if in pointing out our
obvious difference in tastes, we would just begin to realize more and
more that we are too different and that perhaps what we've got going on
is a good thing, but not good enough. i really don't want to see that
happen.

i decided to just stick to my guns though. i said i didn't like 'em because i truly
didn't. but i also told him that my opinion when it comes to what he
wears or buys shouldn't matter. and then came his response - it was
exactly what i wanted and hoped to hear. he was just gaging my
opinion. he wasn't seeking validation or confirmation. i was honest
with my opinion, which he appreciated, and what he says he likes about
me.

and now i will get to working.

5.39 miles. slow and steady getting back into running, but i'm determined to really get back into it. today's run:

it's really not where you go, but who you're with. i could have cared less about the locations to which i gallivanted this weekend... makoto, cashions, texas de brazil, m cafe and bar, to name a few... it was the company that made everything worthwhile- it's simply who you're with that matters. and that being said, i have the feeling that things are going to be just fine. i was starting to worry about a good pal leaving town to take off on some wonderful adventures... but i suppose what happens is that if one person leaves and you are able to make room for another. granted they have played and will play different roles... enough babbling though. i happened to also hit the the demin sale at barney's co-op, but all i ended up with was a t-shirt. it feels like butter when you slip it on. it was a splurge, considering it's a t-shirt, but i'm determined to wear it daily.

time for a nap.

awesome eats: thai xing, on florida and 5th. it's take-out only. i think it is safe for me to say that they make the best green curry i have ever tasted. the sole proprietor does all the cooking himself out of a basement, and you call your orders in ahead of time. upon arriving, the door may be locked. you enter, and it's a little confusing because you feel like you're walking into someone's home... but who doesn't like a home cooked meal, eh? delicious. can't wait to get eats from there again.