April 9, 2008

  • and then there was nothing.

    i guess there's a reason why certain people become a part of your past and no longer are in the present.

    over the last week or so, i've either bumped into or purposely met up with folks from my recent past (recent past = the last three years let's say and from various parts of the last three years too). with the planned meetings, my intentions were good. i wanted to catch up. i wanted to see a friendly face, i kinda was interested in any new gossip that i might have missed out on. after the exchange of pleasantries though, i realized that i was somewhat bored with the conversations and well, to put it bluntly, bored with the person too. so i was thinking, there obviously was reason why i hadn't tried to actively keep these individuals in my present - i just wasn't compelled. sure, that makes me sound kinda bitchy as if i'm better than them or don't need them. but i have realized over the past few years that i don't need a lot of friends. i just need a few key friends and my family to keep me fulfilled and sane. it's too difficult to sustain deep and compelling relationships with a lot of different people - and truthfully, i don't think that there are many individuals worth the time and effort. so, i keep a core group close to me and that's it.

    the weird thing was that with seeing people from my past, whether it was intentionally planned meet-ups or those run-in's, after getting over the initial niceties of seeing each other again after whatever the period of time was... i felt nothing. it sounds sad, but it was oddly reassuring too because it confirmed there clearly was a reason why ties were cut. this makes me sound cold, i realize. it was nice though to realize that decisions and actions were made for a reason. validation that i'm doing the right thing and that people serve purposes for certain periods of time.

    (miss alyssa. if you're reading. consider yourself exempted from this post. this doesn't apply to you. :) just want to make sure that's clear.)