i heard a good piece of advice recently. okay, so it was from
television... and more specifically, it was Oprah who herself had been
given this piece of advice. snicker, you may, at the dispenser of the
advice, however it still caused me to pause and ponder how the bit of
wisdom could be applied in my very own daily life. the advice was this:
when people show you who they are, believe them.

i've caught myself in the past, and in very recent times,
trying to believe that people can change. or, that behaviors that
didn't jive well with me were uncharacteristic for the person i
believed they were, or maybe more accurately, the person i wanted them
to be. but the truth is, sometimes, you just have to accept things at
face value and understand that the person may be showing you exactly
who they are.


now, in a business setting, i'm pretty good at seeing people
at face value. you foul up, or cause a faux pas, and i probably will
take little offense or try to dream you into being something grander or
greater. i'll just see the mishap as a poor reflection of who you are
and leave it at that. case in point:


i'm sitting in a training being led by a very high level
executive. the topic, really not important... it was something system
related or some process improvement effort. it was one of those blah,
blah, blah sessions. so during the course of the training, mr. high
level executive asks everyone to make sure that they double check their
spelling when entering data into this particular system. make sure you
spell the client's name correctly, he says. for example, company X's
name is spelled... (he recites the letters) and not... (he spells it incorrectly, reciting incorrect letters this time)

for the sake of protecting the client and my company both,
we'll leave the specifics of the spelling aside. those details aren't
the meat of the story. but giggling ensued at such a basic request, to
spell our clients' names correctly... and mr. executive was absolutely
serious about this matter; his emphasis on spelling was legitimate for quality control
purposes. but to address the giggles in the room and share in the merriment of his silly request, he says in response,
well, you know how those asians and europeans are.


i promptly gasped, followed by letting out a not so subtle,
"oh wow." the woman next to me, the only other minority in the room,
grabbed my arm and squeezed it. mr. executive and i made eye contact,
probably because he heard me gasp, but then the conversation moved along. i was slightly horrified at his
comment and for the rest of the training session, i just sat and stared at him
wondering what he was thinking.


first off, i knew it wasn't a racist remark, and i wasn't
about to take offense. it was an off the cuff comment and poor attempt
to make fun of our company's other business regions in europe and asia as there is
always a bit of competition between them and the U.S... my gasp of horror was more out of surprise for his lack of judgment. his intent was to be humorous and poke fun at the
other regions- not other people, not other races... but he obviously
hadn't considered the possible impact of such a statement. well, you know how those asians and europeans are. so as a
result, he just made an ass of himself. it was no sweat off of my back,
really. i saw it as simply a reflection of him, and a poor one at that. he showed me who he is, and since
then, i've had no choice but to believe it.


okay, so there's definitely gray area with that statement... when people show you who they are, believe them. i mean an
isolated incident could be just an isolated incident. but when you have
a few things happen over a short period of time, and you start to see
some semblance of a pattern... you just have to believe. you have to
start believing that the person is who they are. you have to remember
that they are not a project for you to take on and change. you have to
keep in mind that you cannot will someone to become something in
particular, or become somone that they have no desire to be. i mean sure,
people do and can change... but they have to do it on their own and be
a willing participant in that process.

in my personal life, i think there have been several instances where i wanted for people to be a certain something, or act a certain way, or do certain things based on expectations i have for how i should and will be treated. and when they failed to live up to those expectations, sure, i have gotten upset... but then i've sat there hoping, maybe even dreaming, that they just lost their mind for a moment, or that the incidents were just hiccups and would pass with time, or that they just didn't yet understand what i expected or considered to be respectful and needed a little coaching and time to learn. now considering this advice though- when people show you who they are, believe them-  i can't help but to think that perhaps i've been a little too hopeful and even a little unrealistic. maybe people really do show you who they are, and show their true colors. and maybe i've just been blinded by my own notions and dreams for what i want and need and expect, while not realizing that in front of me, flags are being raised- big, red flags.

it's food for thought- when people show you who they are, believe them. believe it. it's a nice little piece of advice for sure, and i think i'll try to apply it a bit more often.

recently, i was at a DC college talking to some students about my company's industry and what it takes to get your foot in the door and be successful. i stressed how important writing skills are. for the work they are preparing themselves for, the ability to write is simply their ticket in. to articulate and present oneself well, craft a message, put a situation or issue in a certain light through the written word, or create compelling messages... these are the things, on a very basic level, that we do and therefore, the qualities and skills we look for. but the truth of the matter is, the ability to write not only serves you well if i'm in receipt of your resume, it's also the way into my heart.

i'm a sucker for people who can write. sure, great grammar and spelling is one thing... but to make me pause, or to evoke, stir something within me? now that's something that'll take you to the front of the line, and straight into VIP.

like a year or so ago- i practically fell for a stranger whose writing i had been reading. we shared a common interest in an author/philosopher and that was how things innocently enough began. but then, then he told me that he wrote in his spare time and started sharing some of his work with me. short stories were passed back and forth along with beautifully written emails. i rarely picked up the phone to call him, and i didn't try much to meet up either... for me, it was all about the words. he was really a stranger to me because i knew very little about where he came from and what he did. i was absolutely uninterested. but from behind my computer, i swooned over him nonetheless. my hands became sweaty and my heart would beat rapidly just from reading his writing; his vocabulary and imagination simply captivated me.

inevitably and quickly, things fizzled between us as all i was interested in was his writing and he couldn't produce enough to keep me satisfied. but still today, there are certain words i'll see that remind me of when i first saw them in his stories or emails. my knees go weak at the site of the word tableau, for example- i had never seen someone use the word before him and thus he seemed quite the genius to me. it was a love affair with his words.

on the flip side as well, i've seen my very own words affect others.

there was that livejournal phase in which i didn't filter anything before posting. i used real names and real places, and got into a little bit of real trouble too. there were things that i wrote in poor taste for sure, but hey, i think i was 18-19 at the time. what 18 year old knows any better? thankfully, that attempt to blog died out after a while as i acquired new and different distractions. nothing of substance or significance was really produced in that venue although i did begin to recognize then and there how much i benefited from venting and getting feelings and thoughts out in such a forum.

a handful of few years later, i returned to blogging but did it anonymously. regurgitations, that was the blog, and it was my outlet, my haven. i wrote tirelessly, and poured my heart into my postings. i confessed to and sorted out many a problems in that space...  in addition to being a release, the blog became a bit of a mission for me to work hard at and try to perfect my words. i would have sleepless nights because of unfinished blog entries. if i started to pour something out but left the entry unfinished, i just couldn't sleep. in true form, here i am being dramatic, right? but it's absolutely true! i couldn't sleep until progress was made and an entry felt complete-ish. i don't know if it had to do more with me needing to write, or me needing to sort out my feelings on a problem... but it called at me to write more frequently, and with greater quality.

over time, the regurgitations gathered a small following of which i was somewhat honored to have. random people found it and started reading it on a consistent basis for whatever reason. they found commonalities between their situations and mine, and so i began to see even more the powerful effect of my own written word on others. it was somewhat profound, and strangely, a little moving... that is until it got into the hands of an unintended reader.

talk about effect. he was deeply hurt by my words and just couldn't forget anything he had read. everything was too vivid, chronicled and captured too graphically. he had been close to my heart at one point but during the time period he was reading the blog, we were no longer together. and he just couldn't shake anything that i had written, nor separate me from my writing. and so upon the discovery of my new, unintended reader, and my anonymity being blown, i abruptly deleted the blog. i threw away almost two years' worth of heart-filled writing.

it was a hasty move, deleting the entire blog... but i was scared. and pissed. and i just wanted to hide. regrettably, i let a knee jerk reaction get the better of me and so now, i have nothing left of regurgitations which contained some of my best writing. i still kick myself for not archiving any of it.

but here we are now, with a return to me blogging. a simple xanga site, no longer anonymous, and with hindsight as my 20/20, i shall try again to write my best, with authenticity and with heart. this blog will be different though... less "woe is me" and crisis writing, and more snapshots of life in DC. but with being as dramatic as i am, i'm sure a little of the old stuff will slip in- it just wouldn't be authentic otherwise.

it was 70 degrees in DC yesterday. it's a little scary, right? like i feel like i really need to go watch Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth... but i'm just not sure i care enough. if global warming means i can walk around in January wearing flip flops and capris, ride around in the city on the back of a bike with an open face helmet, and (attempt to) play tennis? i'm a-okay with it all.

anyhow, here's a little slice of my DC life for ya. this is my apartment building. it's been around since the late 1930's and was rumored to be a "gentleman's hotel" (whatever that means), back in the day. it's on Massachusetts Ave NW, which is a major thoroughfare in DC. i'm in what's considered the downtown area, and within seven blocks of the whitehouse.
 

the building and units still have some of their original touches from the 30's, like the glass doorknobs. i am forever in love with the doorknobs. charming.

when you walk into the apartment, i have a small entrance way. you'll notice the hardwood floors... most of the apartment is hardwood.

from there, you walk into my living room. i'm going for a shabby chic motif. it's coming along... very slowly.

somethings don't ever change. i'm trying to keep my shoes confined to a small area and use organizational devices... but change ain't easy.

i 've got a little breakfast nook right past my living room... but it's turned into ironing central. at some point, i may add in a dining table or use it as a work area. the french door leads to my bedroom...

it was hard to find that "perfect" apartment for a reasonable price... and so one of the concessions i had to make for living here was that the kitchen is tiny and lacks modern luxuries- i have to wash dishes by hand and don't have a garbage disposal! it's not helping me be very glamorous in DC... but then again, there isn't much glamour here to begin with.

closet space was important... so my bedroom has two closets! it's still not enough space though.

my bedroom is quite uneventful aside from the closets, so i've spared you of any pics. and that's all folks. rent is a bit more expensive in DC than in Seattle... so apartment hunting was an adventure. but, i love my place and people who've lived in DC a while know of my building and people who have lived in it... and everyone has good things to say about it. 

oh, and a link to my neph's blog that includes some pics of him and our christmas...

http://www.xanga.com/suannsong

it was john coltrane and ciara who kept me company today as i ran. mild temperatures, a soft breeze... it was a good run. today's route took me through several DC neighborhoods. in about five miles, i was able to cover enough ground to visit: u street, woodley park, adams morgan, dupont circle... i didn't start my run knowing where i'd be heading. initially, i thought i'd run through to georgetown and across key bridge... but with coltrane in my ears, i ran up towards u street and just kept following the roads. here was today's route:

DC gets smaller and smaller the more i discover it.

I've decided to start blogging again. Thanks for coming and visiting... let's see how much I'm able to keep this up.

Happy new year. More to come soon. I need to play around with the look and feel a bit more.

JL