June 13, 2007

  • some thoughts before i go to sleep, prompted be several different conversations today:

    -do we have a finite amount of love to give? in other words, do you consider the love you have to give like a pie chart where you allocate certain amounts to people or things and it adds up to 100 and then you're at maximum capacity? or is our love and ability to give and show love infinite? can you give love equally to as many people as you want without sacrificing the quality of your love? i'd like to think that in order to love well, and show great amounts of love, you don't have to minimize the number of people you have around or confine it to a select few. i'd love to think that you can love many people equally and at the same time in a tremendous and wonderful and explosive manner regardless of the quantity. i'd like to think our love is boundless.

    -fun is what you make of it. the comment to me was this: "i live vicariously through you. your life is a good bit more fun than many others." it took me aback slightly to hear that. but the truth of the matter is that fun just doesn't happen. it doesn't, does it? my reply was that i have fun because i make the effort to find it and have it. you have to make things fun to have fun.

    - there seems to be a scale of sorts when it comes to our attitudes towards love and relationships. it starts out with naivety and idealism. following a negative or jarring experience, perhaps we become realistic about the like. yet on that place in the scale- where one is realistic- you still are optimistic and even a little eager to love and be in a relationship. sliding down further on the scale you find the jaded. these are the people who have seen enough, been through enough, that they no longer look for love and relationships. in fact, you just don't care that much and divert your attention elsewhere. you are open however to the idea if it were to fall in your lap. you are not eager about the idea, but you are open to it.

    and then lastly you have the cynical end of the scale. you are pessimistic. you are a hater. you haven't learned any lessons from the past and there certainly isn't a silver lining to any of the clouds in your life. you can't be happy for others when you see that they've found joy and are experiencing the highs of love and a good relationship. you are bitter.

    where one falls on the scale depends of course on their past experiences... and i imagine that one slides further down the scale towards cynicism as more negative experiences happen. but can one move back towards naivety? is that possible? i'd like to think that i'm probably somewhere near the realistic part of the scale. i'm optimistic about the idea of love and a relationship. not quite eager but open and optimistic about it all. i just hope i never become cynical though.