Month: March 2008

  • i'm kind of a wordy person. i use too many words. but i like the words that i use. and i choose them carefully, especially when having to put them in writing. but sometimes, i use words when they aren't really necessary. they might not even be asked for, or given at the right time. i frequently like to just get whatever is on my mind off of my chest, whether you ask for it or not.

    but, when a month ago or so i received an email from someone in my past... i had such a strange reaction when i realized that she had sent me a note that i didn't want or need. it was basically an explanation for why some things had happened, plus an apology of some sort. as i thought about why she sent it and where she might have been coming from, i really felt like the message was really more something she sent to help herself rather than help me in any way. she really needed to get something off of her chest so as to ease her guilt or something like that. i didn't need it. i didn't want it. but she sent it never the less. and i was forced to read it and deal with it. i thought it was strange. i thought it was overkill. but i never imagined that i would do the same or be that way though. i've not ever caught myself doing that... until now. or maybe i've been completely unaware when doing this in the past. but i guess i did the same thing last night. unrestrained, i sent this long email to a friend because i felt compelled. clarification over a particular situation wasn't asked for... yet i gave it. it's funny how we choose to react to situations.

    so today, a friend says to me when i tell him about my unsolicited and wordy email that sometimes clarification is reserved for when people ask for it rather than when you feel like giving it. he said that's always the way it is with wordy
    people. we talk for ourselves, the conversations we've already
    plotted in our heads and all but finalized. and he was so right. i'm always having conversations with myself that i'd like to have with others. usually, i'll have the conversation eventually... but i just need for it to play out in my head first. maybe it doesn't come out the way i had originally intended. but i had the conversation already because the words mean so much. this perhaps is only interesting to me. but i found it interesting. all those words.

  • sweat equity

    seriously, this is sweat equity - the dresser and nightstand that i acquired on saturday at ikea... which means i had to put the damn things together:

    i also took some time today to shop a bit for some decorative items for my place. i'm tired of it looking so drab. hopefully though, i won't go overboard and start buying a lot of crap. courtesy of west elm:

    tired but in a chill and productive mood... last night was K street lounge and then ESL. good times as always although i can't stand the number of douche-bags at K street. i would never go voluntarily. i must say though, i was feeling quite lucky and lovely... i somehow got away with no cover at both. it's nice to be a gal.

    this afternoon, post-shopping, coffee @ murky, and dinner at piola's. i didn't love the pizza. i think i have to stop eating pizza if it isn't going to be 2 amy's

  • 1.5 years after moving to DC, i finally get some bedroom furniture. today, we swung by ikea and found a dresser and nightstand. i managed to put both together on my own in about two hours. i'm impressed with myself... but exhausted. time for a nap. before i catch some z's though... some more pics from my weekend in philly last weekend:

  • full circle?

    I’m feeling introspective right now, so let me try to be
    brutally honest with myself (and you, by default) for a moment.

    So, on Wednesday, I am off to head to Seattle
    for a few days. It's been just about a year and a half since I left and this
    will be my first time back. And I have to say that I have some mixed emotions
    about the trip. I am excited to see one of my dear gal pals and plan to spend
    most of my time with her while there... but having left Seattle bruised
    slightly, I cannot say with the utmost conviction or complete confidence that I
    am returning fully healed and repaired from the big portion of my life that I
    lived there. I wish I could say I felt differently.

    True, my life since moving has been a whirlwind and
    extremely exciting – new city, new job, new friends, new boyfriends and now
    more ex-boyfriends, amazing travel opportunities abroad, becoming an auntie
    thrice.... It has been a really neat and exhilarating ride. But I guess scars
    never fully go away and I can't help but to be reminded of the tears shed and
    heartache from my time in Seattle
    as I get ready to go back.

    There is the obvious heartache from a broken romantic
    relationship, there is even some minor heartache from broken friendships… and
    then there is also this whole other dimension of the ups and downs with my
    family. Seattle is where I feel
    like we, my family, basically broke and fell apart. When I lived in there, I
    saw my older brother and sister both move away and on to start their own lives
    in other cities. There were marriages and divorces. My dad passed away when I lived in Seattle.
    All in all, it was a pretty rocky ride living there.

    My last few days there, before really taking the plunge and
    deciding to settle in DC, were so chaotic and full of tears. I actually cringe
    a bit when I think about the way my heart felt as I prepared to leave because
    an unexpected turn of events had taken place that really broke me and shocked me to the core. It was absolutely the right decision to
    leave, but it was not easy by any means. And so as the plane took off for me to
    get here to DC, I felt like I was saying goodbye permanently. I didn’t want to
    have anything to do with that city that had been such a tumultuous place. I
    wanted to leave everything behind and make a fresh start. Yet, here I go back.

    Interestingly, booking the flight to go back to Seattle
    next week was actually borne from another breakup. I needed to commit to and cement
    my new found single state though some sort of spontaneous decision, plus I
    wanted to go somewhere that I knew I would be safe and secure being just
    slightly damaged from the breakup. And as I thought about where I could go,
    oddly enough, the best and easiest getaway turned out to be Seattle
    to visit a friend who has been there for me through a lot in the past few years.
    Slightly ironic? I think so because here you have a city that I ran from and
    have tried to bury away in my past yet all of a sudden, it’s a haven and escape
    from life in DC? It's funny how things work out.     Maybe this is going to be one of those full circle moments.

  • it's funny how two different people can see the same exact situation in two completely different ways. i mean, forgive the elementary thoughts - i know for some this is basic and very old news... but, it just never ceases to amaze me how divergent people's points of view can be when looking at or being involved in the same situation, together.

    if i think about why the most recent relationship i was in ended, or even if i look at the past three... okay, if i look at every relationship i've ever been in and why it ended, i would be willing to bet money on the fact that me and the ex would cite very different reasons for why things didn't work out. and mostly, it would probably always be my fault, in their eyes. but the thing is, i'm always willing to be accountable for what i did wrong and what i could have done differently. i accept blame really easily when something is my fault. if i'm wrong, i can say that i was wrong, change gears and get right. but when the other person can't do the same... it's a bit tough to reconcile and come to any kind of consensus over what the truth is and what the truth isn't.

    just fascinating.

  • crafty bastard.

    inspired mostly by my sister who is as crafty as can be, and inspired slightly by the fact that my apartment still hasn't achieved that shabby chic look i've always wanted, i undertook making some paper flowers. the first flower took 40 minutes to pull together, the subsequent ones took about 30 minutes a piece.

    and as you can see, i couldn't quite get the lighting right trying to take pics of them. look at the mess though:



    the kit allows for me to make 12 more flowers... i might be too lazy to really follow through and finish this project up. i'm just not dedicated enough to be crafy...

  • philly, part one.

    friday night. i shouldn't have gone out but i couldn't resist... and the night ended a bit more crazily than i anticipated. i appreciate that as a result though, i know where i stand with a particular person. and vice versa. anyhow, i went to philly on saturday morning for a weekend girl's trip (hence, i shouldn't have gone out... i met up with my gal pals to drive up to philly after 3 hours of sleep. yikes!). as soon as we got there, we checked into our hotel down on the waterfront. from there, we went to the philly museum of art.


    yes. the philly museum of art would be where that infamous rocky scene takes place and he runs up the steps. coincidentally, one of my gal pals (pictured above) whose name is adrienne received her name as a result of the inspiration her parents felt after watching the rocky movie. she's never watched it.

    these would be the place where the rocky balboa statue used to stand in front of the museum. thankfully, it's been moved ot the side. the footprints below commemorate the statue's old place. was he really wearing converse in the movie though?



    we checked out the frida kahlo exhibit at the museum. it's interesting where it's showing - it opened in minneapolis, and then came to philly, and then goes to the SF MOMA next. nevertheless, it was a great show. i usually don't do the audio headsets at museums but i am glad we did for frida - i learned a lot about her that i didn't know. two pics i was able to sneak in while there: 




    her relationship with diego rivera - fascinating. also interesting is the divergence between what she really looked like and how she painted herself. i wonder if we all are a bit that way too.

    the museum had a small modern art wing. i liked these jasper johns pieces a lot:




    following, we fell upon a rodin museum. i was so pleased! i learned a bit more about how rodin pieces are created - and that there are 61 statues of "the thinker"! this pic was taken outside of the rodin. the pose was not intentional... but fitting.



    the gates of hell, outside of the museum:


    one of the many sculptures inside the museum - check out the facial expression:


    following the museums, we went for dinner at xochitl where we had plenty of sangrias to kick the evening off. in my hand would be a nice white wine sangria we had (+ gal pal, B):



    following xochitl (pronounced so-cheet), we hung out in the 2nd street and society hill neighborhoods. where specifically... well, it's kind of a blur. today started with more of the same though. i must say... beer on a lazy sunday is great. i felt much better than i looked here:



    more pics later. my battery died in the morning, and i have to say - it's exactly what bothers me about canon cameras! no battery meter! wah.

    more to say later as well. i've found myself in the midst of what seemingly are head games. i am starting to finally see it for what it is and just can't help but to scoff.

  • i know this is really cheesy... but i've been into america's best dance crew and i have to admit, i'm so disappointed that kaba modern is out! i have the feeling that this was rigged. perhaps they didn't want two majority-asian crews in the final. ugh. how sad...

  • the breakup.

    just some mutterings on breaking up. none of it is compelling, i'm pretty sure, but these thoughts have floated in and out of my head in the past few days. here we go:

    | 1 | a while ago, someone told me that while a breakup for you (or me) might be traumatic and stop you life in its tracks for a while... for everyone else, they hear about your misfortune and then move on. and it's quite true. if i think about people around me who have faced breakups... i dwelled on their situation for just a bit, and then it was like, okay... what's next? i don't think i've ever done a great job with checking back in on the person, seeing how they were dealing with it all, or ensuring that they feel like they had people around them when they in fact just "lost" someone. (shame on me, i know. my sister however, is very good at checking back in. thank you very much.) but for those who think the world revolves around them... which admittedly is definitely me at times... this simple notion of "life goes on" was kind of a revelation because it helped me to kind of put things into perspective by thinking about: a) people's lives and the world goes on all around me, regardless of what has happened in my personal life. b) you can't dwell on your breakup forever. c) people get together and breakup all the time. there are millions of people who probably are in the same boat. and for everyone, life goes on. we all go through this. does that make sense? i mean it just was oddly eye opening for me.

    | 2 | it never matters who initiated the breakup or if it was mutual. a loss is a loss is a loss. you can still be the one doing the "dumping" and you can still be hurt and still mourn the loss of the person or relationship.

    | 3 | i dunno if it's the difference between guys and gals... but i've noticed based on my own experience that gals tend to need some space and time after a breakup. even if you do want to be friends with your ex, there's still some breathing room that's needed immediately after you've parted ways. i don't get how people i've broken up with with have tried to be friends with me so soon afterwards through small notions - sending emails, text messages, IM's, what have you. i need breathing room and space. i can't be your friend immediately. i need time to digest and "get over" you. i just can't process things so quickly.

    that's it for now.

  • somehow, last night went something like this:

    -opening at adamson galleries for scott schulman of the sartorialist blog.
    -house party 1.
    -house party 2.
    -play.
    -five.

    i was only expecting event one and two... but wherever the wind blows, i suppose that's-a-where i'll go! good times. ran for a short bit this morning but i keep having these awful side aches and kept it short. boooo. 4.36 miles. i guess i need to remember that i'll likely have to ease back into it.

    more later... lots to say but i need to digest it a bit and figure out what's worth even saying. surbee is back, indeed.