it's interesting to observe how people change as a result of meeting someone new or being in a relationship.

some
changes are for the good. i've seen how a new boyfriend/girlfriend can
bring out the sweeter side of people, for example. their sharp edges
suddenly become softer and you begin to see how having a special
someone makes that person more tolerable, more likable... or as the old
adage says, their significant other brings out the best in them. it's a
rather wonderful thing to be witness to actually, and something that i
should only hope for in my own life.


other changes however, aren't so good. and this isn't something
that i've been immune to myself. for example, in the past, when the guy
has had different interests than me, i know that on numerous occasions,
i tried to take on their hobbies or passions when the truth is, i
probably would have cared less about, oh say... i don't know... cars,
rock climbing, paint-balling, anime, motorcycles... we could fill in
the blank with a handful of interests or activities that in present
day, you'd never find me attempting or taking time out to explore
otherwise.

in retrospect, i can't decide if it was that i was trying to
take a genuine interest in them via their interests, or if it was me
trying to mold myself into something or someone whom they would like
better or would want to spend more time with. it could have been a
combination of the two or even something else- who knows. regardless of reason, i do
understand the result of such- taking an interest in their interests or
hobbies meant that i put aside or maybe even stunted the development
of my own self. and i've seen this happen to others too (albeit, mostly
girls for some reason)-  when people start becoming a "we," the "me"
somehow ever so easily gets lost.

now, i wouldn't dare say that giving
up some of the "me" is always a bad thing. i mean, if you meet
someone who pushes you to become an enhanced, or optimized version
of you, then that's one thing. but, what i am slightly
wary of is what happens when someone fails to explore the "me" or even gives up some of their "me" because they are so caught up in the "we." the unfortunate truth is that sometimes, good things come to an end including "we" situations that were so strong initially. and when that happens, and it's been all about the "we"... the
person who gave up or lost some of their "me" then hasn't a clue as to how to operate
as just a "me."

it's a strange and sometimes scary place to be when you are
no longer half of something- when all of a sudden, you're an individual
unit versus part of a pair, especially so, if you were part of a pair
for quite a long time and depended on the other half whether it was financially, emotionally, socially, etc. and so truthfully, i've become wary about
finding myself (again), or seeing others, in that place. i mean yes, i am
open to the possibility of having a relationship with someone. i miss
it actually. but i am not gung ho about making it happen because i
still get nervous about having to change or lose myself, or make too
many
compromises because of another person. i don't want to get lost in a
"we" again, at the cost of "me." and i don't want to see that happen to
others either.

sure, it's entirely possible that i'm projecting or
telegraphing my own baggage onto other people right about now... but i just
can't help but to question whether it's a good thing to see someone
give
up something they said they loved, something that they were so
obsessed and enamored
with for years, something that previously made them so damn happy...
just see them toss it aside and shut the door on it because all of a sudden, they have someone new in their life. it's hard for me
to believe that they've given it up ever so willingly, or without some regret. and it's even harder for me to believe that the new
boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other- if they really understood or cared about that
person- would allow for them to just toss aside or give up on
something that they so felt so lovingly about in the past. change of that sort, drastic change, is just a little unsettling to me.

i know that as we get older, our priorities change, as
do our perspectives on what or who is important... but i worry about seeing people get lost in the "we" only to then later find themselves in a
situation of not knowing what happened to the "me." i've been there and
done that- and i'm happy to have gone through it, but that doesn't mean
that you have to as well. it's hard to say any of this, or admit to it without coming across as a "hater" (jessica, stop drinking the haterade...)... but i'd be lying if i denied that this all has been in the back of my mind. it's out of concern; truly. i don't like having to even question or doubt things because my glass is absolutely half full. it's exciting to see other people happy and in a new relationship and whatnot... but the thoughts are there in the back of my mind. and i can't shake 'em.

10 random things for sunday evening:

the end.

happy valentine's day, to one and all!

as my favorite perpetually single friend said, we don't need no stinkin' person to share the day with, or declare our love to. fabulously single, fabulously happy- we say cheers to the day as happy, single people.

and as a PS: best valentine's day gift ever- an offer to do my dishes? i appreciate that. it was rather sweet, actually. you should get your ass over to DC so that you can make good on that.

suann was telling me that ike's grandpa recently commented that he thinks he takes after his uncle eric. and in light of suann's most recent post, the bird, i think ike's grandpa just might be right. i mean, look where he got his bird flipping tendencies! like uncle, like nephew:

-spaghetti tastes better room temperature once the sauce has had a chance to
latch onto the noodle. it tastes/feels more like spaghetti from a can (a la
chef boyardee)... but i like it.

-jefferson han is so cool. i started swooning over the genius of jefferson just reading this article: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/112/open_features-canttouchthis.html. check out the hype:

my palms were sweating
and i could barely look him in
the eye. i was a complete mess. there we were, standing in the middle of my living
room as i held my breath, filled with absolute fright and simply worried about whether i might make the wrong move. my nerves quickly became embarrassment as he asked me why my
hands were sweating- i was hoping he wouldn't notice but i guess i
couldn't hide my nerves. it's just that i wanted to
get things right so badly... but that only translated into me being an anxious (and sweaty) wreck.



okay, so the lack of eye contact was
because my eyes were
fixed on my feet. i was desperately trying to get the steps down-- right is back, left is forward. one, two, three,
five, six, seven... they are the very most basic salsa steps. one is back, five is forward. coming out a turn, step back on your right, then it's your left
foot
forward. one is back, five is forward. one is back, five is forward. it sounds easy, sure- but i have
a hard enough time in
everyday life remembering which hand is left and right. so to then
direct my left and right feet to music?
it
just isn't that easy. but i was determined to master the steps.



it was 2am, and we were both a little
tipsy. and that combination, at that time of night, is usually nothing
but trouble. but this was something else. it began innocently enough
with a hankering to dance- salsa dance. but at 2am, everything in town
was beginning
to wind down. and so thinking back to my iPod at home, i knew i had
some
sergio mendes. and that being the closest thing to salsa music that we
were
going to find, we soon were in a cab and on our way to greet
sergio, who
would just have to do. and then, before i knew it, we were standing in my living room, now an
impromptu dance studio, and i was in the midst of my very own
private lesson. just my instructor and me, at 2am, with sergio mendes blaring in the background. it doesn't get
much more fun than that.



he was patient, but strong with his
direction. pushing and
pulling me into and away from him, reminding me to keep my eyes up,
and then continual coaching: on the one count i was to go back, and on
five i was to move forward. quick, light steps... and follow his lead.
don't step into a direction unless pushed or pulled into it. and be
loose with my arms. swift feet! eyes up! and through all of that,
we somehow managed to find a good rhythm. i felt at ease, comfortable with the steps. we were
dancing. we were really dancing! albeit, it was almost entirely
because of his great lead, but we were salsa dancing. i was salsa
dancing.



i'm determined to do it. with
enough practice, i just know that i can absolutely master
distinguishing my right from my left. i can, and will, be light on my
feet. i will be graceful with my steps, and i will find a way to let my hips move independently of the
rest of my body. i can, and will, salsa dance. one is back,
five is forward. right is back, left is forward. if i just keep repeating these things to myself, i know that i can master the basics. it's just that next time, i
will have a few less cocktails
beforehand and start a little bit earlier in the evening.

six miles today- through dupont and over to georgetown, up and down the exorcist steps, across key bridge, and then back home. the cold felt good today, probably because it was a bit less bitter than yesterday.

when running across the key bridge, i had to stop at one point to just stare over the side railings. it was absolutely beautiful- the potomac was frozen over and there were huge sheets of ice that were jumbled together like a tableau of puzzle pieces waiting to be untangled and sorted out. i wish i had my camera to snap a picture of the sight.

7.41 miles today. the tidal basin was frozen over because it's been so damn cold.

i just stumbled across this quote and quite liked it:

“The longer I live the more
beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon
find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you
invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”

-Frank Lloyd Wright

i love the new M&M commercials. and if i were an M&M, this is what i'd look like! i love it.