i don't really believe in astrology, although i do check out my horoscope occasionally for kicks... and in this month's VF, this is what they had to say:

Do
let us know when you finally figure out how to balance your need for a
deep, warm relationship with the reality that you've got more trust
issues than all the Corleones and Sopranos combined. What's making
everything so complex? Just this aspect of the Saturn-Neptune dilemma:
as hard as you try to maintain boundaries and stay steady, sober, and
on course, you feel an equally powerful urge to break your own rules
and escape from the fact that you are boring yourself to death.

trust issues? maybe. boring myself to death? this is actually quite true. as much as i sometimes say i love the entertainment, the shenanigans... it's actually just been the same old, same old for quite a while now. and that gets boring. and tiring. i catch up with my sister or friends and they ask what's new and my response is that it's the same old, same old. they ask whether i have any new and funny dating stories- they love the stories- and of course i always have interesting adventures to re-tell. but i'm starting to realize that the names and faces are beginning to become quite interchangeable as it is the same old, same old. "what happened to so and so?" someone might ask... and my answer to that question is always pretty much the same too- i got bored or annoyed of them, or i did something to piss them off enough that we just don't speak anymore, or there's just nothing compelling there. the same old, same old. so perhaps it is time for me to change it up and break my own rules then. perhaps.

-i'm starting to realize that i frequent my neighborhood CVS way too often. i'm going to start chronicling everything i buy there. saturday it was: claritan, pepcid AC and toothpaste. i have a list going right now for things i need to buy that i forgot to get over the weekend.

over key bridge, i stopped to take this picture:


and after coming back on the bridge, i went up and down the exorcist steps five times today- that is 75 steps one way which means... 750 steps total? this is looking down on the steps from the top:

tuesday. well, actually, it's wednesday now that i look at the time. and oh how i would love to rewind and for it to be monday again because i'm a little freaked out about the rest of the week and whether i can accomplish all that i need to at work. it's nuts- for a moment today, i actually felt like it were possible that i might fail in a specific endeavor that i've been tasked with. i've never felt this way before- never. i am always sure, and am always confident that i can and will make things happen... but today, not so much. and i can't figure out if this is all self imposed stress or what- but truth be told, i'm too scared to ask someone else. i'm afraid to hear that i'm not doing all that i can or should. ah, the perils of responsibility and being an adult. it sucks.

and with that, i now will go to sleep. good night.

6.8 mile run today. i felt really good when i hit the third mile and just wanted to keep running. i felt light, and my steps were quicker than usual. good stuff.

the stream of thought as i was running this evening though- i am always so quick to make judgments of people- good and bad both. and much of me takes
pride in being a good judge of character. but what about if and when i'm wrong about someone? my
job relies on me making judgments of people. and my instincts
have been for the most part, spot on- it's what makes me good at what i
do. most times, i will make a judgment on a candidate that i'm
interviewing within the first five to ten minutes of meeting or talking
to them. but in my personal life, i've been proven wrong, including recently, and have had
my expectations exceeded. it's been a nice surprise. but what if i've been wrong professionally and there are good, quality people out there that i've passed on and am now missing out on? something to think about.

.

i slept four hours
last night which was not enough... and i took a nap when i got home today
from family activities but i still need some rest. it was a good night
last night at dragonfly though. dragonfly plus shenanigans afterwards... fun, fun, fun.

to celebrate my sister's first year as a mother though, we went for a picnic today at meadowlark botanical gardens in vienna. it was gorgeous there! what a lovely day. it was funny though- there were a handful of other picnickers around us, and we observed whole foods, trader joes, KFC, wegmann's grocery bags... i don't know if anyone had a homemade meal for the picnic- including us as i had stocked us with treats from dean and deluca for the day. some pics from our excursion...

gorgeous peonies at the park:



the sisters:


auntie, ike and ma:


my sister, ike and her husb:


young isaac enjoying the shade and this mini adirondack chair:

i've got more to post, more to say but i will get to it later. that's all for now.

six mile run. beautiful route over memorial bridge toward arlington national cemetery. after crossing the bridge and then coming back towards the mall, i zigzagged up and down some steps i found behind the lincoln but by the potomac. my quads are aching.



something to think about: it's bizarre that you can be lonely within a relationship. and it's a difficult thing to do, but sometimes you have to choose being alone versus being lonely as part of a pair. i think that was one of the most difficult choices i've ever had to make. can you believe this insight is prompted by me watching spiderman 3? hahaha, what a horrible flick but i felt like it was something i had to watch. i can't wait for the other summer blockbusters.

my kickball team sucks. we lost, again. i don't even know the score... but it was something in the double digits to zero.

18th amendment in eastern market, after the game where the upside of the evening is that i discovered that i'm quite good at flip cup. i don't like playing, i think it's a silly game... but i'm damn good. i think people try to flip their cups much to aggressively. me? i tap it up gently, and then it usually flips over once, nice and neatly. our team couldn't win our kickball game, but at least i represented and won a few rounds of flip cup.

i had no clue that forever 21 was an empire privately held by... koreans. of course. i'm kinda proud. good article in the NY Times though. and for the record, i am totally forever twenty something. that's the good thing about never telling people your age although i've gotten sloppy about that habit. i can forever be 21.

i received some wonderful technical support this evening and have gotten my phone to fully function. i have music uploaded to it now! yay!

this evening, some good quality time with gal pals. nevin kelly gallery for a few moments, and then local 16 for drinks and dinner. i loved local 16 and would definitely make it a hangout location for the future. we hung out on the rooftop deck having food and drinks. really wonderful. food just mediocre, but the drinks and company were both great... the only weird thing was that a fight broke out on the deck between two guys. it's ridiculous when testosterone is in overdrive and guys get all riled up. gross...

today, i took a 3.5 hour lunch. marvelous. i came back to the office
with a new pair of shoes in tow... but when i took a look at them more
closely, i realized i had taken my sister's shopping bag and not mine.
i'll have to wait to wear my shoes until we make a swap. boo. i was
just thinking though- how great would it be if we wore the same shoe
size? double the shoes? i'm salivating just thinking about that. all those shoes! oh my.


miscellaneous stuff- lavar arrington was in our offices today. not sure
for what, but i went to go take a look to see what the hullabaloo was
about and he happened to be leaving when my coworker and i went to go
gawk. he said hello and smiled at us. i just looked at him with a blank
stare and then asked my coworker what is name was again and why we had
gone out of our way to go peak at him. poor guy. he probably thought he
was in zoo with people foolishly trying to steal a peak. i guess for
DC-ists, him having been with the redskins makes him a big deal. for
me, i have no clue.


another thing, completely unrelated, late night phone convo's are the
best. there's something about laying in bed and talking on the phone at
1am. it hearkens back to the days of junior high and high school when
you sometimes snuck in phone conversations when your parents were
probably yelling at you to go to sleep and get off the phone. the funny
thing is, i really don't like talking on the phone that much. it's
something that i've had to get used to though- time differences, and
the fact that i have some friends who refuse to communicate with me by
text message...

and then lastly, another thing to think about- how much do you/should you share about the
past? i have pondered this before and the question is related to
ex-files, family secrets and the like. i have girlfriends who say you
should share nothing, tell nothing- what's in the past is in the past.
but i feel like where i've been and what i've done in the past has
brought me to the present and defines much of who i am. and in the
spirit of full disclosure, i've almost always spilled my all of my
beans and have been perhaps too forthright with people. there are
things i've done that i'm not proud of; there are mistakes i've made
that were monumental and egregious... but at the end of the day, i
don't want to have to hide anything. and if they judge me, then that's
not the kind of person i want in my presence, right? but is this to my
own detriment? can people really see past that? i always struggle with
this. i guess the good ones can and will see past the flaws.

that's it. time for happy hour. i think there's a gin and tonic waiting for me with my name on it.