now that's a headline. but, really, have you ever been touched by cancer? my bro-in-law is doing the Live Strong bike race in Philly this weekend... a 100 mile ride which is pretty amazing considering he tore his ACL earlier this year. please do a good deed and make your donation here.

i
was talking to my sister the other day, and words can't properly explain
how much i appreciated her sentiments. the gist of the conversation was
that she wouldn't want to see me change. she was essentially trying to protect me. she
wouldn't want a person to affect me so much that i might start acting
different, looking different... and i hope to not change. i am a work
in progress, i have and will evolve with time... but i am pretty
comfortable with who i am and have become. truth be told, her
sentiments echo one of my (bigger) fears when it comes to a
relationship- it's that constant struggle of how not to lose oneself
when partnered up with someone else. you become an us or a we... and then what happens to the me?

it started because he made a comment
about a pair of my shoes- maybe i should get something a bit more
classy, he said. and it wasn't said in a mean, or rude, or demeaning manner. it was more kind of like, "babe. i was looking at your shoes. i don't know if i like them. maybe you should look for something a little more classy." i scoffed. i liked 'em just fine, i told him. and i
defended my choice as a matter of fact. i knew they were kinda trashy
shoes, but that was the lure for me. i can't always be buttoned up,
like your typical DC-ist. i refuse to be less funky or more drab
because that is the norm in this city. i like adding a little splash or
trash to my appearance. end of conversation. i was miffed by his comment, but i got over
it.

but then there was the matter of his shoes. he found some sneakers
online
and then asked me what I thought. i didn't like them one bit... but,
before i sent off an email saying i thought they were ugly, i thought
about it for a moment. he didn't like my shoes, and told me out right
which kind
of got on my nerves. so for me to do the same, wouldn't it just be
hypocritical of me? i wouldn't want him to be bothered by the very same
thing he did
to annoy me. and so i hesitated before telling him that i didn't like
the shoes. and then i also thought about whether i wanted to really
tell him that i didn't like the shoes because what if that would serve
to just further point out our differences? it worried me. we are very
different. but are we too different? and what if in pointing out our
obvious difference in tastes, we would just begin to realize more and
more that we are too different and that perhaps what we've got going on
is a good thing, but not good enough. i really don't want to see that
happen.

i decided to just stick to my guns though. i said i didn't like 'em because i truly
didn't. but i also told him that my opinion when it comes to what he
wears or buys shouldn't matter. and then came his response - it was
exactly what i wanted and hoped to hear. he was just gaging my
opinion. he wasn't seeking validation or confirmation. i was honest
with my opinion, which he appreciated, and what he says he likes about
me.

and now i will get to working.

5.39 miles. slow and steady getting back into running, but i'm determined to really get back into it. today's run:

it's really not where you go, but who you're with. i could have cared less about the locations to which i gallivanted this weekend... makoto, cashions, texas de brazil, m cafe and bar, to name a few... it was the company that made everything worthwhile- it's simply who you're with that matters. and that being said, i have the feeling that things are going to be just fine. i was starting to worry about a good pal leaving town to take off on some wonderful adventures... but i suppose what happens is that if one person leaves and you are able to make room for another. granted they have played and will play different roles... enough babbling though. i happened to also hit the the demin sale at barney's co-op, but all i ended up with was a t-shirt. it feels like butter when you slip it on. it was a splurge, considering it's a t-shirt, but i'm determined to wear it daily.

time for a nap.

awesome eats: thai xing, on florida and 5th. it's take-out only. i think it is safe for me to say that they make the best green curry i have ever tasted. the sole proprietor does all the cooking himself out of a basement, and you call your orders in ahead of time. upon arriving, the door may be locked. you enter, and it's a little confusing because you feel like you're walking into someone's home... but who doesn't like a home cooked meal, eh? delicious. can't wait to get eats from there again.

folks in my world have been commenting recently on how interesting it is that i've been wanting to get in touch with my "korean" side of late. i dunno what it's about. but while in chicago, there happened to be a korean festival going on. as to be expected, the festival took place in koreatown, which meant there were shops with interesting signage a.k.a. fob-speak. the festival, and then check out the signage on that shop in k-town:

our hotel was situated right by the chicago river, which is in the background:

while in the city, we found all sorts of great public spaces... this was taken from a little park we found. the bridges across the river all had interesting aesthetics. check out the color and shape:

the sears tower was a must see - i didn't realize how big it is! it is the tallest building not only in the US, but the western hemisphere.

from the observation deck on the sears tower:

millenium park was probably my favorite chicago spot. the face below is of a chicagoan, and it is projected onto a large public water fountain/fixture:

there were all sorts of kids cooling off in the park:

and also in the park is cloud gate - so freaking cool! it is a 110-ton sculputre that measures 33 feat high, 66 feet wide.

the reflections of the city on the sculpture were amazing:

we became a little obsessed with taking pictures of the giant orb - of ourselves, of it...

and then here we are before we left the city, with the wrigley building pictured behind us. the city had a great, great skyline.

that's all i have for now. more later.

It is true- distance makes the heart grow fonder. You just hope that it is reciprocated however. I think this is the case right now, the reciprocal nature... But I can't help but to second guess motives. It all gets back to truly being vulnerable and letting my guard down. I just don't want to get hurt again. But I digress... Chicago has been a wonderful and amazing time but I'm anxious to get back to DC for several reasons. For one, I am curious to see whether it feels as homelike as it should, or if I will feel antsy and long for more "big city" time.

While here in Chicago, I have been charmed and delighted by what a lovely, big city it is. I love that I walk down the street and have massive concrete structures or endless glass windows towering over me as if the buildings could swallow me whole. I love the feeling of anonymity and insignificance which in turn empowers me to feel as if I could conquer the world and unleash my potential upon it. You don't really ever get that in DC...

More on all of this later. Back to the shenanigans. Pictures of this lovely weekend and a detailed recap to follow in the coming days.

Signing off and out.

i'm not big on
celebrating my birthday. and contrary to popular
belief, i'm not big on attention in general. i don't like recognition
whether at work or home. it makes me uneasy. and this year, as far as
my birthday goes, i was also uneasy about celebrating because it would
have forced me to seriously consider that i am growing up, that i am an
adult when really, i want to continue being a kid! bills- boooo. job-
boooo. five year plan- boooo. i know it's nonsense, because how will i
feel when i hit 30? i should just accept it for what it is. but, i must
say, the acknowledgment of my birthday, it was sweet. to remember, to
show up both literally and figuratively... i thought it was just great. heart
warming. the little stuff truly goes a long way. i keep saying it
lately, but 'tis true. it's the little stuff that counts and moves me.




recounting the past few days: cafe
citron, acadiana, clyde's, butterfield 9, aria, finemondo's...  and heading out to oya in a little bit. drinks here and
there, good meals here and there, great times with wonderful people
here and there. it's been a lovely week thus far and the good times are
just only starting as i look forward to the weekend - chicago for a few days where i'll be seeing one
of my seattle girls. nice.

lastly, it's a little scary sometimes to put yourself out there, with
the fear of course being that things won't be reciprocated. i
mean, it's been tough getting here- for me to articulate feeling
something, or rather, for me to even admit to feeling something... i've
come a long way and surprisingly, i can and sometimes do wear my heart
on my sleeve now. i do fear what might happen if i say i feel this or
that, and it's perceived as being overkill, clingy... just too much.
lord knows i've been the one in the past to say those exact words to
others. you never want to come across as too eager. you don't want to
be the one to let your guard down first and be vulnerable. but when you
decide to risk it, and you receive affirmation that it's mutual, it
just feels good. it's heart warming. why i doubted it would be reciprocated, i don't know. but you can't help but to always be a little scared if you've been hurt in the past. that's all for now.

it was a 12 hour work day yesterday followed by food and merriment. the latter made up for the former.

PS7's
for a very late dinner, the first restaurant week excursion. it was a
good meal. i'd probably go back for appetizers and drinks. they had
some interesting items on their menu. most interesting however, was
their bathroom- i couldn't see a darn thing in there!

and then a pal and i had been wanting to try out corduroy for quite some time... and i think i'll pass on dining there. we stopped in for a beer there last night and agreed that we felt like we were at ihop or denny's. not that there's anything wrong with either of those establishments, it's just that the ambiance felt strangely like those restaurants. and given its decent reviews and whatnot... it was kind of a disappointment. and even more odd, the bar was filled with 73 older white men, and then there was us. i don't know why it felt awkward and strange.

anyhow, i'm running late for a schmooze fest... but oh, how the little things do make me smile. gotta run.

ridiculously content. or in other words, just darn happy. the last time i felt this exact same way... oh, that's a little frightening. i mean, it is strangely reminiscent... but could it really be? i'm just a tad scared to even go there. so maybe i won't. not yet. the thought did cross my mind however. i refuse to to define it just yet though. so how about i'll continue to just go with the flow and then wait and see? that sounds like a plan.

what i do know to be true however is this - if we're talking about it being that same thing, at least (i think?) i'm smarter this time around. i mean, i was so ballsy then, or maybe reckless is a better word. i was completely in the moment, at every moment. i went in full force without a single fear, without hesitation. i just went with it, and i thought very little of any of the possible adverse outcomes. it didn't matter to me. the experience in and of itself was enough. and while i still feel the same way, kind of, this time perhaps i am better positioned with more experience on my side. i'm smarter, i'm wiser so i'm a tiny bit more cautious... but not too cautious so as to have my guard up beyond penetration. i'm cautious enough though. so i think i'll be okay. i will survive regardless of the outcome. i can't deny it though - this feeling, it's pretty darn nice... so i guess whatever happens, will happen. and it will be for the best.

anyways, it was just one of those weekends where for the majority of it, i was exactly where i wanted to be. no questions, no doubts, no angst. pure contentment. the places really don't matter, but here's a quick recap: friday evening was pretty neat - legg mason tournament - quarterfinal round match, andy roddick vs. lee hyung taik... darn cool to be in such an intimate setting watching really good players going at it with one another. later in the evening, zaytinya and poste... and at the latter location, we had an amy winehouse siting which was pretty cool. saturday, it was sheer laziness... slept in, drank good coffee, ate korean food, sat around like a lazy bum, leopold's kafe in cady's ally in georgetown (leopold's was pretty darn good but the service was sooo horrible), bourne ultimatum. and today, more laziness, more korean food, more coffee... i almost forgot how good coffee can taste. i can and will drink 7-11 coffee, instant folger's coffee... but if we're going to talk about good coffee, it's gotta be murky coffee in cap hill and clarendon. the vibe and roasts remind me of seattle coffee houses.

that's it.